Internet match making and school reunions

I have nothing against marriage or match making. I wrote this out of a true story twisting it here and there. The original was actually more positive.

So, all of you, do not take it to heart whether you are married or single. Just laugh it off, if you can.

*I am one of those who believe that technology is not necessarily something that helps a better life. In fact, I see it as an impediment to better life, shutting people from people and essentially sabotaging the age old principle, that of man being a social animal. So in the age when cable TV and internet chat rooms define character of a person, there is not much scope left for a variety among people, not only across countries but across the planet. Greatness of character, as we know it, is sure to become a rarity and might even be extinct before we even realize what hit us. I say this just to make sure that even if I end up sounding like a techno-lover towards the end of this mail, you will know that it is not actually true.

So we have internet match-making sites now for all such lonely souls who would like to trade that loneliness for a very brief romantic interlude and then agonize for the rest of their lives over that fatal mistake. The thing about match making sites, we'll call them MMS for ease of typing and also for the heck of it, is that it is all about self-marketing and data-processing. People are like computers, taking in all the data presented to them, processing the data and then deciding if it suits them as a spouse. All this while having no idea whatsoever of the person whose data they just liked. It is all about liking the data and planning to marry the database. The looks, smiles, frowns, blushes and pouts that one usually experiences in a person to person conversation are irrelevant in such cases. One might feel that when the two actually do meet in person there is still time for nuances. But the data and the effect of having prior information dominate. So we end up with two marketable products in matrimonial bliss, so to say.

Very similar to any other kind of marriage I'd say. So what is my point? Well there are some other advantages to this kind than just match making and that is, School Reunions. Say you are a girl. Going through one of these sites, you suddenly came across a name, say Makanaboina Satya Srinivasa Subramanya Mahalakshmi Prasad, and a vague cloud of familiarity descends on you. You clear the cloud and then you see it. There was a kid that you studied 3rd grade with, who had a similar sounding name, and now you are curious if that kid, now 30, is still unmarried and looking for a girl. You wonder if having such a long name worked to his disadvantage and made him resort to MMS? But then that is secondary now. You shoot off an express e-mail asking something like, 'Are you the same Makanaboina Satya Srinivasa Subramanya Mahalakshmi Prasad that studied his third form at Jyoti Balamandir High School? If so, do you remember one Varasa Baaru Satya Subba Lakshmi? If no then please ignore the mail and if yes, please reply immediately'.

The next one hour or so, you spend some of the most anxious moments of your life. You are sure, you say to yourself, that this kid was one of those cute ones at school. He had a running nose and his knickers were too long alright, but he was cute. He was one of those that the Maths teacher made to sit with girls as punishment, and you vaguely recollect that he actually sat next to you at one time. He always had atleast ten paise to buy things during long-interval(Interbell in third form) and never shared the ice-cream or any other variety of junk food that he bought with that money. But he was cute. And all this while you are clicking and refreshing the e-mail site to see if you have got any new mail from Makanaboina Satya Srinivasa Subramanya Mahalakshmi Prasad. And then you see it - the mail from the cute kid. With the heart pounding and hands wet with sweat and eyes moist and Jagjeet Singh's 'Kaagaz ki kashti' playing in the background, you open the mother (or father) of all mails. Is he the one or is he not? And the answer is "Yes. Isn't this amazing? I am the same Makanaboina Satya Srinivasa Subramanya Mahalakshmi Prasad, and I remember Varasa Baaru Satya Subba Lakshmi very distinctly. But I know you as VBSS Laksmi urf Lachhi. I sat next to you when the Maths teacher made me sit with the girls as a punishment.I wish I had a maths teacher now to make me do that. Just kidding. That is to say I am still single :-) ". And the connection is made. More e-mails and phone calls follow. "Do you remember J Ram Kumar?" "No. Do you remember B Uma Sundari?". "Yeah, isn't that the one who once tripped in the play ground and broke her nose?". "No, no. That was D Neela Veni." ."Yeah, you are right". And the thing goes on for a while. The English Sir was a raving maniac, you tell him. No, the guys thought he had a soft corner for all the girls, the guy tells you. Differences - little ones. You are little bit upset that the cute kid doesn't share your opinion of the living monster, who was also an English Teacher. But then, who cares any more about English Teachers or Maths Sirs for that matter. This feels good, the reunion, thanks to the dumb looking and blankly staring computer.

A week passes by. There was another call from the cute kid. What does he want now, you wonder? The guy hasn't grown up one bit over the years, you think. Doesn't give a damn for my feelings, you think, and that is probably the reason he is still un-married. You decide he is highly ego-centric and that is why still single in this day and age despite having a decent job in the bay area and working on the latest software platform. And what do we have in common, you ask yourself. 'He is not interested when I talk about my college days and takes off about his college days'. The egocentrism is but a manifestation of the non-junk-food-sharing habit of yesteryears. 'May be if he were somewhere close to New Jersey, we could have at least met and found out if we are suitable for each other'. And anyway, the other day you've visited his internet website and one thing is for sure. The concept of cute kids is a myth. They all end up being the same pot-bellied and double-chinned fatsos when they are thirty. This was an un-necessary diversion from the main focus of the MMS. And who ever cares about the Ram Kumars, Uma Sundaris or Neela Venis of this world. This is America and that was India. Jeez, this was a waste of time.

So you say to yourself and log on to the next MMS. And the data of Makanaboina Satya Srinivasa Subramanya Mahalakshmi Prasad floats on to make some more reunions. Your ad on the MMS still shows music as your favorite hobby and Jagjit Singh's 'Kaagaz ki kashti' as your favorite Ghazal. And whosoever heard about Sudarshan Faakir.