Marriages are made in, well, Wedding Halls !
I have been seeing a lot of jokes and comments on married life over a period of time. An elaborate comment is the dire need of the hour, I thought ! So this !!
It is not easy to explain marriage - neither it's cause nor it's effect. Attempts will be made while parallely hoping for divine co-operation (Lagnam etc). However, one needs to understand the significance of contracts and their fallouts to understand maritorial (if there is such a word) behavior. I will give an example.
Not very long ago I had to buy some furniture. I shopped around and finally nailed down on a shop called "Usha Lexus". The shop guy was very courteous, really was very patient and even ordered tea and other cool drinks while I was looking around the store. Then I made the decision to buy and paid him an advance of 90% of the bill value.
And then things changed. Next time around when I was at the shop to check on the delivery, the old courteousness gave way to "Arrey zara intezar karo saab. Kahan jaayega aapka saaman" and patience gave way to "Aur bhi tho customers hain saab!" and of course there were no drinks of any sort except water, that too on demand.
If you see in the above scenario, the shopping around is equivalent to "pre-wedding" days, bill payment is equal to the wedding and the rest is too obvious. Only, I realized in hindsight, that I was being the traditional wife in the equation and the shop was the traditional husband. While my equation before bill payment was "one-to-many" with the furniture shops, post payment it became "one-to-one" . The shop guy remained the same "one-to-many" though he successfully created an illusion of "one-to-one" for a brief period.
All marriages are contracts (I will be beaten on this, I know). While love could be a feeling, marriage is a legality. And it is important to understand the contract and how it gets interpreted. When you get married, the essential contract, as instituted by whoever, says that you barter your time and freedom (may be) in return for "perpetual companionship and exclusive mating rights". It is important to understand this because both the parties in the marriage usually misinterpret the above. I am sure it is understood in general that companionship tends to include the consequent bills, pills and all other ills. While the financial aspect is extremely important, it is usually only one of the many causes of , well you know what.
Traditionally, women give up, supposedly, all their friends and relatives (The "bidai") in return for the companionship of their husbands and their ilk. So, a woman tends to enter the relationship expecting "perpetual & exclusive companionship and exclusive but occasional mating rights". Primarily because she has cut her past to a large extent and hence she believes it is only fair that the husband be with her all the time. It could be fair but she does not realize that the husband has not gone thru the "bidai" process himself. And presto ! there is the first problem - a major deviation from the proposed framework of the contract. Men, of course, are not even thinking. They enter the relationship expecting "Occasional companionship and perpetual but non-exclusive mating rights", obviously this is another major deviation from the contract. Men again, do not realize that the wife has gone through a process of bidai and might need exclusive companionship! !
Essentially, in this deal, the guy is like the shop owner and the girl is the customer. The girl keeps thinking "I could have gone to some other shop" and the guy keeps thinking "but I have other customers to take care" !!! I am sure with your mathematical skills, you can now figure out the "one-many" or "many-one" equations.
And then life begins !!
There is a lot more to say on the topic (Kids !) and explaining it for the modern times (where the girl doesn't go thru bidai, is financially independent etc.etc). But that I will leave for some other time !
It is not easy to explain marriage - neither it's cause nor it's effect. Attempts will be made while parallely hoping for divine co-operation (Lagnam etc). However, one needs to understand the significance of contracts and their fallouts to understand maritorial (if there is such a word) behavior. I will give an example.
Not very long ago I had to buy some furniture. I shopped around and finally nailed down on a shop called "Usha Lexus". The shop guy was very courteous, really was very patient and even ordered tea and other cool drinks while I was looking around the store. Then I made the decision to buy and paid him an advance of 90% of the bill value.
And then things changed. Next time around when I was at the shop to check on the delivery, the old courteousness gave way to "Arrey zara intezar karo saab. Kahan jaayega aapka saaman" and patience gave way to "Aur bhi tho customers hain saab!" and of course there were no drinks of any sort except water, that too on demand.
If you see in the above scenario, the shopping around is equivalent to "pre-wedding" days, bill payment is equal to the wedding and the rest is too obvious. Only, I realized in hindsight, that I was being the traditional wife in the equation and the shop was the traditional husband. While my equation before bill payment was "one-to-many" with the furniture shops, post payment it became "one-to-one" . The shop guy remained the same "one-to-many" though he successfully created an illusion of "one-to-one" for a brief period.
All marriages are contracts (I will be beaten on this, I know). While love could be a feeling, marriage is a legality. And it is important to understand the contract and how it gets interpreted. When you get married, the essential contract, as instituted by whoever, says that you barter your time and freedom (may be) in return for "perpetual companionship and exclusive mating rights". It is important to understand this because both the parties in the marriage usually misinterpret the above. I am sure it is understood in general that companionship tends to include the consequent bills, pills and all other ills. While the financial aspect is extremely important, it is usually only one of the many causes of , well you know what.
Traditionally, women give up, supposedly, all their friends and relatives (The "bidai") in return for the companionship of their husbands and their ilk. So, a woman tends to enter the relationship expecting "perpetual & exclusive companionship and exclusive but occasional mating rights". Primarily because she has cut her past to a large extent and hence she believes it is only fair that the husband be with her all the time. It could be fair but she does not realize that the husband has not gone thru the "bidai" process himself. And presto ! there is the first problem - a major deviation from the proposed framework of the contract. Men, of course, are not even thinking. They enter the relationship expecting "Occasional companionship and perpetual but non-exclusive mating rights", obviously this is another major deviation from the contract. Men again, do not realize that the wife has gone through a process of bidai and might need exclusive companionship! !
Essentially, in this deal, the guy is like the shop owner and the girl is the customer. The girl keeps thinking "I could have gone to some other shop" and the guy keeps thinking "but I have other customers to take care" !!! I am sure with your mathematical skills, you can now figure out the "one-many" or "many-one" equations.
And then life begins !!
There is a lot more to say on the topic (Kids !) and explaining it for the modern times (where the girl doesn't go thru bidai, is financially independent etc.etc). But that I will leave for some other time !
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