Bonhomie among loners
Being a bachelor must be a really lonely affair, people say it so often that one tends to believe it. May be because one says and does things which have 'lonely' written all over them. 'I had dinner at Macdees last night' - I & Macdee are the key words here; carrying much heavier meaning than what their lean structures indicate. 'Why was he alone last night? Why did he eat at Macdees?' people immeditaely start analyzing. Mainly because no sane person who is not alone should be eating at Macdees, according to those who crossed that bridge (Of eating alone at Macdees). The perspective changes if the 'I' becomes the 'We'. 'They were having a fun night out' is the immediate conclusion. At the risk of annoying my wife, I will have to say that the 'I' is always hidden in the 'We'. 'We' is just a mask, a pass to enter the club of social acceptance.
As bachelors, people are interpreted in ways that make them look like they are loners, recluses with no friends to meet and no places to go with company. So, when all the people that you have grown up with, with who you enjoyed your time the most, talking, laughing, crying and playing, are snatched away by the all powerful hand of marriage and the responsibilities that come with it, what do you do? Well, you go ahead and get married too. And then there are two of you. Is it loneliness multiplied by 2 or divided by 2, the question begs. While the activities might seem to indicate a mathematical division, in reality people just move further into the house after marriage. From the drawing room where it is less lonely, to the bedroom where it is more lonely. A psychologist might even say that one moves into the deeper recesses of mind. I am not a psychologist so I will not say so. But then, I am sure history is full with untold stories of lonely souls. So did some one ever take time to make some guidelines, I wonder.
Loneliness? What are you talking about? One might say with a cellular telephone hanging by the leather waist belt.'My wife can talk to me anytime she wants on this phone', a friend says. Well, that, I think, is the whole problem. What ever happened to those days of fun when we all used to be at one place, not with too much money to share but at the same time, with hardly any care. And seriously, how handy is the cell phone, when you are in the office's busiest rest room and it goes off? Would you take the call or wouldn't you? Oh, the complexities of civilization.
Am I getting my point across ? Hardly, it seems to me.The point I am trying to emphasise on is that human civilization is nothing but a 'bonhomie among loners', so to say.
Look at it. When you are a small child, any thing under the sun can keep you company. You are amused and attracted to everything and you are never lonely. That is when nature is with you, or you are with the nature rather. As you grow up, the amusement factor dies bit by bit. So is the interest in the unknown. A dangerous tendency called 'care' takes over. You 'care' for things, people (what you think of them and what they think of you), events, studies, marks, parks, food, good and so on. Each is a wall, a further subdivision of our 'acceptance space'. That is when the all pervading loneliness begins to enter your life. It is waiting for an opportunity to take over, you see. A small chink in the armor of innocence and amusement, it creeps in. And as you grow older, you are lonelier.
The mid life crisis is the pinnacle and I cannot vouch for the events after that. What I can say though is that it will keep going up and then finally when you are old, really old, you are back to being the child. I mean, God would certainly have to give a break at some time, right?
In a way it all starts when the early rays of the sun brighten the horizon and the harbingers of all that is good, birds basically, take of in all the available directions. Every little creature, which is not a bat or another form of night life, wriggles out of its coziness, stretching and yawning and bathing in the warm glow of the early light and the prospect of the bright day ahead. And then when we wake up, probably the last of the species to do so, in the morning, there are so many thoughts buzzing in our minds. I have to talk to that person, resolve this problem, attend that meeting, have a power lunch with a moron and so on. Why do we have to do "all" the things ourselves and in our way? Because we are lonely. And why are we lonely? Because we want to do all the things by ourselves. Vicious circle. And then there is another aspect. What would "every body" think if I fail doing this? More pressure and some more loneliness.
So there are a lot of relations and relatives and friends and family to drive this loneliness away. There are festivals and special days. The guidelines. Rama killed Ravana. Chalo Festival! Rama killed Vaali. Chalo Festival! Too complex a message, No? Okay. Krishna is born. Alright, festival. And so on. And if you are in America, President's day for the president and the intern, Valentine's day for Valentine and so on. Similarly in other parts of the world. Drive out the loneliness, lead kindly light and so on.
I guess that is an impossible task. Not in any good or bad way, but loneliness, I think, is pretty much the defining characteristic of any species. What you are probably depends on the extent of your loneliness.
What a ludicrous conclusion ! But then, there is nothing wrong in trying. Is there?
Niren
As bachelors, people are interpreted in ways that make them look like they are loners, recluses with no friends to meet and no places to go with company. So, when all the people that you have grown up with, with who you enjoyed your time the most, talking, laughing, crying and playing, are snatched away by the all powerful hand of marriage and the responsibilities that come with it, what do you do? Well, you go ahead and get married too. And then there are two of you. Is it loneliness multiplied by 2 or divided by 2, the question begs. While the activities might seem to indicate a mathematical division, in reality people just move further into the house after marriage. From the drawing room where it is less lonely, to the bedroom where it is more lonely. A psychologist might even say that one moves into the deeper recesses of mind. I am not a psychologist so I will not say so. But then, I am sure history is full with untold stories of lonely souls. So did some one ever take time to make some guidelines, I wonder.
Loneliness? What are you talking about? One might say with a cellular telephone hanging by the leather waist belt.'My wife can talk to me anytime she wants on this phone', a friend says. Well, that, I think, is the whole problem. What ever happened to those days of fun when we all used to be at one place, not with too much money to share but at the same time, with hardly any care. And seriously, how handy is the cell phone, when you are in the office's busiest rest room and it goes off? Would you take the call or wouldn't you? Oh, the complexities of civilization.
Am I getting my point across ? Hardly, it seems to me.The point I am trying to emphasise on is that human civilization is nothing but a 'bonhomie among loners', so to say.
Look at it. When you are a small child, any thing under the sun can keep you company. You are amused and attracted to everything and you are never lonely. That is when nature is with you, or you are with the nature rather. As you grow up, the amusement factor dies bit by bit. So is the interest in the unknown. A dangerous tendency called 'care' takes over. You 'care' for things, people (what you think of them and what they think of you), events, studies, marks, parks, food, good and so on. Each is a wall, a further subdivision of our 'acceptance space'. That is when the all pervading loneliness begins to enter your life. It is waiting for an opportunity to take over, you see. A small chink in the armor of innocence and amusement, it creeps in. And as you grow older, you are lonelier.
The mid life crisis is the pinnacle and I cannot vouch for the events after that. What I can say though is that it will keep going up and then finally when you are old, really old, you are back to being the child. I mean, God would certainly have to give a break at some time, right?
In a way it all starts when the early rays of the sun brighten the horizon and the harbingers of all that is good, birds basically, take of in all the available directions. Every little creature, which is not a bat or another form of night life, wriggles out of its coziness, stretching and yawning and bathing in the warm glow of the early light and the prospect of the bright day ahead. And then when we wake up, probably the last of the species to do so, in the morning, there are so many thoughts buzzing in our minds. I have to talk to that person, resolve this problem, attend that meeting, have a power lunch with a moron and so on. Why do we have to do "all" the things ourselves and in our way? Because we are lonely. And why are we lonely? Because we want to do all the things by ourselves. Vicious circle. And then there is another aspect. What would "every body" think if I fail doing this? More pressure and some more loneliness.
So there are a lot of relations and relatives and friends and family to drive this loneliness away. There are festivals and special days. The guidelines. Rama killed Ravana. Chalo Festival! Rama killed Vaali. Chalo Festival! Too complex a message, No? Okay. Krishna is born. Alright, festival. And so on. And if you are in America, President's day for the president and the intern, Valentine's day for Valentine and so on. Similarly in other parts of the world. Drive out the loneliness, lead kindly light and so on.
I guess that is an impossible task. Not in any good or bad way, but loneliness, I think, is pretty much the defining characteristic of any species. What you are probably depends on the extent of your loneliness.
What a ludicrous conclusion ! But then, there is nothing wrong in trying. Is there?
Niren
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