Eyes of the horses

"When I started this work, I could not lift much weight. I am poor. I don't eat well or exercise. If I am able to carry 70 Kg weight all the way to the Mandir, it is nothing but the blessings of Mahadev. I am a nobody"

It was 430 AM and having finished the darshan of the Mahadev the previous evening, I had nothing much to do having woken up. I was casually walking up and down the temple Street when this porter pleaded with me to use his services to either go down to Gaurikund or go the short distance up to the Kedarnath mandir. 

"I am still quite able bodied. Have walked all the way up yesterday and can easily manage the walk downhill" I told him while gently refusing to use his services. 

"Aap ko kam mein kardenge sir. Hamara boni hojaayega. Karlo na"

He had such kind eyes and the way he entreated, made me feel guilty for being fit enough not to use his services.

"Nahin yaar. Ek time aayega jab hum aapke services ke laayak hojaayenge. Tab zaroor aapka giraak banenge" I really had no idea how else to decline his kind offer.

"Hum Kahan tab tak rahenge sir. Waise baat hamare laayak ban ne ki nahin hai sirji. Jaisi aapki iccha. Mahadev ki kripa aap par bane rahe"

I felt like striking a conversation with him but was not sure if I'd be delaying his boni. Nevertheless, prodded him. That's when he made the remark about how Baba Kedar has made an otherwise normal person into a strong man who could carry heavy weight of humans over 20 kilometres of arduous climb. Interestingly, his thoughts about Mahadev being the force were exactly similar to mine when I reached Tapovan few days earlier.

"Aap kahan se ho? Ghar mein kaun rehta hai"

"Nepal se hain, Sahab. Biwi hai aur do bacchein hain. Abhi season khatam hone waala hai tho waapis chale jaayenge aur chhe mahine ke baad aayenge"

"Bacche kya kartein hain?"

"Bada beta twelfth mein hai. Aur chota ninth mein. Chota accha padta hai. Teacher ne bola ki class mein first yaa second aate rehta hai. Bada padtha hai lekin sharaarti hai. Dekhenge. Mahadev ki iccha"

There is lot of learning about surrender and acceptance that one can glean from such kindred souls. We keep thinking about being able to reach that stage but circumstances push these people into that state naturally. 

"Do you make enough money to support the family then?" I asked in Hindi 

"Depends on what's enough" he smiled. "Whatever I make is ok. The expenses here are quite high. Being a Nepali, they don't allow us to build a hut or even put up our own tent. So we pay rents for the tents just like you guys. On an average, daily expenses reach one thousand rupees because we cannot cook our own food and have to pay the local thelas"

"That's a lot then"

"Hojaayega sir. Do teen sawaari din mein karlenge tho Bach jaayenge paise. Aap ne acche se baat kiya tho subah subah mere ko bhi bahut accha laga. Jai Mahadev"

I knew he didn't want to waste any more time chatting. His competition would pick up shortly. And just to confirm that, a ghoda waala came up and asked "Ghoda karloge sir? Kam mein leke jaayenge. Hamara bhi boni ho jaayega". I refused gently. I had to give a quick hug to my porter friend for making me think about Mahadev and, for more than once wishing for His blessings on me.

One thing that keeps haunting you all through the chardham yatra, is the constant interruptions from the porters, doliwaalas and the horses. An interruption that, when probed, becomes a revelation. All through I kept looking at the horses to see if they show any signs of anger or frustration at being subjected to a great level of suffering. Yes, they are a livelihood for humans but they are not there by choice, I'd think. Humans have plans and families, so they choose these jobs. Horses? I guess they lead a lonely life mostly with nothing but tremendous amount of pain and some food. If one notices, their knees keep giving up as they traverse the path up or downhill. Sometimes they slip and fall because their plated hooves don't get the grip on the stoned path. You wonder why part of the path can at least be left as earth so the horse can tread easy. Very disturbing. But when you notice the horse's eyes, all you can find is acceptance. ACCEPTANCE in all capitals. That's how much of it you can feel in their eyes.

I realised that the look in the eyes of the porter also very closely resembled the horse's eyes.

Later in the morning, as we climbed up the hill for a darshan of Bhairava, the kshetrapaalaka of Kedar, I came across a Sadhu who kept asking people to move on from their photography and focus on the Lord. I ran after him as he was quite brisk in climbing up.

"Swamiji you are from here?"

Ignored couple of times, I persisted. He turned around to answer.

"Yes. I live in one of the Ashrams down there. Now chant the lords name and move on"

"I will. But since you live here I wanted to ask. Don't you find this entire humdrum of hotels, helicopters, shops, horses, porters etc. very disturbing? Should a divine place not be simpler and peaceful?"

"Why did you come here? To do a review of Gods creation or to be immersed in the thoughts of God?"

"No. Looking from here (the Bhairava temple), the whole of Kedarnath village is visible and it is not a pretty sight. So wanted to get clarity"

"You think all this is not Baba Kedarnaths creation? He puts everything out there and checks to see if despite all that your mind can remain focused on Him. Looks like you are more worried about fixing the world than fixing your focus on Baba Kedar. Be careful lest your arduous trip here will go waste"

"So, just accept and move on"

"Yes. Worry about fixing the world when you go back. For now, Feel the Mahadev"

The horse's eyes. That's exactly what the Sadhu was recommending for me.

Har har Mahadev.